plus most of the friends are graduated.
i feel so done with school already and it hasn't even started. wtf. this is great.
dammmmmmmmmit.
shoot me kk?
- Location:my damn room
- Mood:
bitchy
its saturday night. and no plans. not sure if i want to go out.
or if i should just stay home and recover from last night???
but dammit its really depressing staying home alone and just sitting in bed lol.
nahhh i might.. take a nice bubble bath.. read my book.. catch up on sleep.
wow i am debating with myself on live journal.
how sad.
- Mood:
sleepy
you know who you are.
you know why i put this up for you.
so when you read this.
just know that everytime i sing to this song
i scream my heart out to these lyrics for you.
HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD
My Black Dahlia
I loved you, you made me, hate me.
You gave me, hate, see?.
It saved me and these tears are deadly.
You feel that?
I rip back, every time you tried to steal that.
You feel bad? you feel sad?
I'm sorry, hell no fuck that!
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.
This strife it dies, this life and these lies.
And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!
I've , Lost it all, fell today, It's all the same
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no
I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no
I wish I could I could have quit you.
I wish I never missed you,
And told you that I loved you, every time I fucked you.
The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through.
Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew!
How could you do this to me?
Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you.
I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up.
Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!
Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest.
And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.
Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.
And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down.
- Mood:
exhausted
Always be thankful for all the love ones that you have in your life.
Never forget those wonderful memories you had while growing up and the people
that we there for you and watched you grow.
Never think that things will always be around forever, because they wont.
And the day they go away you will be sitting there crying because you know that you
never told them enough how much you cared and all that they meant to you.
So DONT let that happen. When its their time to go, hold their hand, and just
keep reminding them about all the good times, and how greatful you were for all of it.
Please remind yourself everyday of all the people that love you and all that they have done for you,
and what you could do to show them that you care for them just as much.
Please do what I didnt.
- Location:This house that isn't a Home.
- Mood:
disappointed
i guess its because he was forced to go with a million things left unsaid..
i guess its because the night before he was taken there were
things that were said.. and when they were said they felt so right..
nothing supressed.. hiding nothing..
and finally just that one thing.. that one moment went right..
and of course life flipped it all upside down and decided not to
let it happen.. *sighs* i hope in three months that moment was still right..
- Location:in front of my desk
- Mood:
confused - Music:hanging by a moment - lifehouse
i dont know why she can get to me.
but NOT anymore. she is a fucking ugly clingy stupid bitch.
that is full of herself and thinks that she is hott stuff.. FUCKING WRONG.
i HAVE him. HE loves ME. point blank. the end.
no more worrying no more what if's just DONE.
i am not going to let her ugly face get into my thoughts anymore..
i have my own life.. my own goals.. my own love..
and she is NOT in any of them.
FUCK OFF bye bye bitch. you are nothing to me.
- Location:the bed that needs another body in it
- Mood:
jealous - Music:i fucking hate you - godsmack
but oh well..
just had to say that i am in love.
and right now i am at peace with it..
currently just right now its not hurting me..
and i feel like things are going to be okay..
hopefully seeing chris sometime this week
and will find out more about us then.. but till then or even
when that day comes i am still going to try to just be
happy with what i've got. :)
ahh i love being a happy sleepy mushy mood.
now just going to go crawl in bed and crash.
- Location:wrapped in my warm blanket
- Mood:
calm
hate stupid ex boyfriends whom i still love.
hate school.
hate emotions.
hate tears.
hate cold showers.
hate being a caged bird.
i feel like i always get to take one step forward then two steps back.
if this is what my whole life is going to be like then fuck this.
but i know it wont be.. just right now i am stuck.
seriously stuck.
stuck with friends.. the few that i have.. stuck with my love.. stuck with the rents.
stuck with school.. stuck inside me.. i wish i could just rip off all my skin.
I DONT WANT TO FUCKING BE ME.
why cant i just wake up and i am back in arizona.. four years back when things
were actually good? i wish i never moved up here..
i wish i never fell in love. but most of all i wish i was never born.
- Location:my god damn room
- Mood:
depressed - Music:fuck everybody - korn
and basically poured my heart out to him about everything..
i hope things work out for us i really do.
and luckily the phone call didn't go bad and he promised to
do some thinking about everything and then give me a call later..
so here i am.. heart beating way too fast. too many thoughts running through
my head.. and hoping that he will give us one more chance..
guess all i can do now is just wait.
dammit i hate waiting..
- Location:la chambre à coucher
- Mood:
anxious - Music:right here - nickleback
my heart is his. he is my other half. i cannot stand here and watch that all go away.
i love him too much. i want things to get better for us. i want us to go back
to how we were.. and i know we can do it. i just know it..
so many memories.. so many laughs.. so many tears.. too many fights.
i SWORE to him always and forever. and i am going to follow through with that.
i will be here for him till my last breath. i will stay here for him and keep trying
no matter how times he tells me to fuck off. no matter how many names he calls me
or how many actions he does just to piss me off. because I know that inside.. there is that man
that i fell in love with. the man that loves me as much as i love him..
he is my soul mate. how can i give that up? how can i just turn my back and move on?
this is TRUE LOVE. verus diligo.
- Location:locked away in my heart
- Mood:
determined - Music:staind - for you
You take away
I feel the same
You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me you made in vain
I lost myself inside your tainted smile again
Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring me pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
And you rip me apart
With the brutal things you say
I can't deal with this shit anymore
I just look away
Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
Mudshovel
You take away
I feel the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again
'Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring me pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again
You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
Driving you insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You won't take away
I'll be whole again
Mudshovel
and 100% well needed. but hopefully its a good one.
i really cant take stupid irrogant people with their annoying drama.
i cant stand dealing with roller coaster of friends or guys
that dont know what the fuck they want.
all i want is to relaxe. be stress free and have fun.
so *crossing my fingers* and hoping it will come true..
- Location:comfy on the bed
- Mood:
annoyed
made a new account for the hell of it.
mainly i guess looking for people
who share same interests.
and people to talk to.
oh of course for the "diary" part of it too.
so here i am.
just thought i would burst throught the bubble.
now that the first entry is out of the way.
- Location:the bedroom
- Music:beautiful people by marilyn manson
